Midlife Conversation #04: Stacy Bronec

We're all still 20-something in our heads, right?

I first “met” Stacy in an online writing workshop back in 2020 and had the pleasure of writing alongside her during those strange pandemic days. I love Stacy’s writing voice; she is incredibly skilled at bringing the reader into a scene with her. Not only are her words lovely and clear, but her pictures of the Montana sky are breathtaking (the pictures of calves during calving season are pretty cute, too). I’m so glad Stacy wanted to participate in this series and that you get to hear from her today. And if you’re looking for someone to send you memes about turning 40, she’ll hook you up! - Melissa

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When you were younger, what did you associate with 40?

I’m pretty sure I thought 40 was old. Ironically, my parents were younger when they started their family, so they were in their 40s when I was in high school. Now, I’m in my 40s, and my kids are still in elementary school. But as a high schooler, I thought they were old. Sorry, Mom & Dad!

How did you feel about turning 40?

I had mixed feelings about it. Forty seemed like such a big milestone. It felt like the end of a chapter in my life in many ways. I had all my kids in my 30s, and I knew we were done growing our family near the end of that decade. My 30s felt like a decade of growing our family, and now that that was over, I wondered what this next chapter would feel like. (I’m still learning!)

Because I knew I would probably “feel all the feels” with turning 40, I started planning for that birthday a few months in advance. I knew I wanted to feel special, so I scheduled a haircut and planned to get a pedicure. I ordered a fancy cake from a baker. For Christmas (a few months before my birthday), I gave my mom plane tickets to Phoenix as her gift so that she, my sister, and I could travel for my birthday weekend.

But early in the morning hours of my birthday, I started throwing up. I hoped it was just nerves that I had somehow worried myself sick about turning 40. But I spent the day wrapped around the toilet with a stomach bug. The day was not at all like I had planned. Sadly, I called to cancel my haircut, told the baker I couldn’t pick up my cake, and felt sad about how my “big” birthday turned out.

Luckily, it was a quick bug, and I still flew to Phoenix for a girls’ weekend, meeting up with one of my best friends who lives there. It turned out to be a fun weekend, but it just shows that we can make plans, but they don’t always turn out like we hope.

What, if any, changes have you noticed as you’ve approached this stage of life?

I feel very reflective at this stage of life. I’m not sure if it’s my actual age or the fact that my kids aren’t babies anymore. Likely, it’s a combination of both. I wonder what I could have done differently or better in my 30s as a mom with babies and toddlers. I’m often thinking ahead of what the coming years will look like with older kids. I try to remind myself I did the best I could and that there will always be things I look back on, wondering how I could have done better. And I also am trying to remind myself that there are still many great and exciting things ahead with bigger kids.

For me, I thought of my 20s as the years of dreaming big. I graduated from college and it felt like I had so many choices ahead of me on where I would live, my career, etc. Now in my 40s, I’m reminding myself that I can still dream big, it just doesn’t look the same as in my 20s, and that’s okay.

What are 3-5 words you’d use to describe this phase of life?

Content, reflective, growing, dreaming.

What surprised you about turning 40 (or reaching the age you are now)?

I turned 41 last month, and I’m still surprised by the fact that I’m in my 40s! I know that sounds silly, and I’m not sure I can totally describe it. But I think I had this idea in the back of my mind that someone in their 40s is a real adult with their life completely figured out. And certainly, that cannot be me!

I definitely do not think being 40 is old like I did when I was a kid! But I still feel like I can’t wrap my head around the idea that I’m in my 40s. I have conversations with my high school friends, and we all say, “In my head, I’m still in my 20s, but my body tells me otherwise!” I had knee surgery a few years ago, and it bothers me almost every day. I cannot stay up as late as I used to—I cannot believe how late I used to stay out in my 20s. It exhausts me just thinking about it.

On the other hand, besides my knee, I feel physically stronger than I have in my adult life. In college, I rarely worked out, drank too much, and didn’t eat very healthy. But I was young and dumb, and that was the college culture. I didn’t take my physical health seriously. Now, I look forward (for the most part) to working out, drinking water, and getting a lot more sleep. In my 20s, I wanted to be skinny (but didn’t want to work out). Now, I want to be strong—not skinny. And I want to model that for my kids.

Is there another age or birthday that made a large impact on you?

My 30th was another milestone birthday that felt big. Although I wasn’t as anxious about turning 30 as I was about turning 40. I got married at 29 and was three months pregnant on my 30th birthday. It felt like I was starting a new decade and the next chapter of my life. I don’t remember feeling sad or anxious about turning that age.

What advice would you give your younger self?

Don’t try to rush the season you’re in. Everything happens in its own time and season—you aren’t behind.

Where are some places you’ve seen a representation of this age that you liked?

The other day, I ordered “Midlife Bites” by Jen Mann, and I hope it lives up to the reviews of being a funny book about midlife. I’ll report back.

Any other thoughts/ideas/questions you’d like to share?

For those of you who have a 40th birthday coming up, make big plans! Don’t be afraid to dream big. If you can swing it, plan a trip or a staycation. If you cannot do that, plan to spend the day doing all the things you love. Make the day feel special. (I recommend this for any birthday, but especially a milestone birthday.) I would say it’s okay to feel emotional about turning 40; I think that’s normal. And it’s okay to not feel emotional. :) My sister and one of my best friends turn 40 this year, so you better believe I’m encouraging them to make big plans (and, of course, to invite me along!).

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Stacy Bronec is a writer whose work explores the seasons of motherhood, marriage, and farm life. She’s an accidental farm girl learning to love an unexpected life. Stacy lives with her husband and three kids on their family farm & ranch in rural Montana. Her writing has been featured on Coffee + Crumbs, Trailblazher, and Motherly, and she’s a contributing author to So God Made a Grandma. You can follow Stacy’s writing through her Substack, Planting Season.